Blogtober Day 21 - Life After a Toxic Relationship
This is a strange topic for Blogtober but Halloween isn’t the only seasonal event in October. No, October also brings Samhain, which I have an old post talking about. You can read that here. Samhain is about the end of things, the harvest, the God’s life etc. So it’s a good time to lay any personal issues to rest. Now, don’t get me wrong I am well and truly over my past relationship, but I thought I’d take the chance to get into the spirit of the Sabbat. That was more death puns than I intended. Before I start I just want to say, this isn’t an ex-bashing, this is about my life after a toxic relationship.
The thing about my last relationship is the more I think about how my life has changed, the more toxic I realise it was. Now, I said this wasn’t an ex-bashing but in order to talk about my life now, I need to mention some of the stuff I went through. I never went through physical abuse, it was mostly financial. Asking to see my bank statements, scrutinizing every purchase and telling me it was to help me. I remember times I would buy something and hide it before he saw them, that was my life for five years. The stress it caused flared my fibromyalgia so badly that I actually had to use a crutch for three years.
I made it out the other side though and now I love my life. I have bought things I always wanted and instead of complaining or bitching at me, my amazing new partner was and is 100% supportive. I think the biggest change I feel within myself, however, is my confidence. Now I have a YouTube channel, I have a blog and use photos of myself on it which is a huge step for me. Feeling comfortable in my own body is amazing as well. Yes, I still have days when I feel a bit chubby but one or two days out of 365 is better than the other way around.
So why write this post now? As I said at the start, Samhain is about the end of things, but it’s also about life after everything. I’ve thought about writing this type of post for a while but it didn’t feel right somehow. I also worried about how it would come across. Obviously, I didn’t want it to come across as “My ex is a dick and I’m a hero” so hopefully it doesn’t My life now is 100% better, I still have moments when I’ll buy something and come home hiding it behind my back. Old habits die hard I guess, but instead of hiding it upstairs, now I get to show off whatever it is I’ve bought after James reminds me that I don’t need to hide it of course. Isn’t he sweet?
Anyway, now that’s done. I don’t want to sound self-righteous but I hope this post helps someone. Maybe they’ve just come out of a toxic relationship and know it will get better, or maybe it will help someone realise they are in one. Perhaps it won’t help anyone, who knows?!
